


You've Got To Be All Right With Me.

by vitaldose



Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age II
Genre: Alcohol, Bathing, Drunkeness, F/M, Fluff, Hair Washing, There really is a lot of mentions of vomit, Vomit, naked
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-01
Updated: 2015-04-01
Packaged: 2018-03-20 16:45:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3657807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vitaldose/pseuds/vitaldose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Anders leaned back in the chair and popped a couple berries in to his mouth. They were fresh and juicy, but the events of the evening soured his appetite and he found that after a few he couldn't eat any more. Immediately after Leandra's death, he'd been there for Hawke but it hadn't been enough; she didn't need words of encouragement and he knew that he talked too much"</p>
            </blockquote>





	You've Got To Be All Right With Me.

“Something on your mind Hawke?” Varric adjusted his shirt, looking past his friend to the bartender, Corff, who looked concerned.

 

“What's not?” She slammed her glass on to the counter and demanded another.

 

“I don't mean to end the party, but I think you've had eno-”

 

“Get fucked” she looked at Corff who was standing a ways off and waggled her finger at him, instructing him to come closer. He knew he shouldn't but what choice did he have, this was the champion, she could ignite his place in flames with a flick of her wrist. When he got close enough she sprung out of her seat and grabbed his shirt pulling him close “If you don't get me another drink I swear to the maker you will not be spared.” Corff stumbled back and proceeded to pour her another ale.

 

“This is the third day in a row you've threatened to kill Corff.”

 

“Tomorrow he might learn” she grabbed the ale out of the bartenders hand and sneered before chugging a good quarter of it.

 

“Hawke-”

 

“I said-!” she looked down at the dwarf with glassy eyes, her sorrow evident “- _get_ _fucked_ Varric.”

 

Varric threw his hands in the air and walked backwards “I'm gonna take a walk.” He moved to the other side of the bar and whispered to Corff “If she gets out of hand send someone to get me I'll stop her- if I need to.” He went to the back to grab Bianca before heading out the front door.

 

He wasn't sure where he was going exactly, but he couldn't stay at the bar; not with her the way she was. For a month she'd been back and forth between her house and the hanged man, getting drunk and stumbling home. More than once Aveline had to be brought in to escort her home, not because Hawke was somebody important but because Aveline was the only person in Kirkwall strong enough to keep her upright as they walked. For the past week however Hawke hadn't left he bar, and it was killing him to see her like this but nothing he said or did managed to get her to move or bathe. He knew she needed to grieve, she'd just lost her mother and had no family left- save Carver who was a Grey Warden- but a month of reverting to a public nuisance was not what she needed.

 

It was cold and Varric's gloves weren't holding enough heat, he figured if he walked faster he might work up enough body heat to keep from freezing, but even he knew that wasn't how it worked. Placing his hands on his hips he looked up at the sky, the moon was bright and full and the city was uncharacteristically silent. He found himself heading toward Darktown, he told himself he going to pick up supplies, he knew however he was really heading down to see if Anders could talk some sense in to Hawke.

 

Andraste hadn't been kind to the Hawke family, giving with one hand and taking away with the other and if anyone understood the meaning behind cruel irony it was Varric.

 

Darktown was scattered with the dredges of Kirkwall, men and women of all races sitting at the bottom most rung of society. Varric respected these people and gave them their space, helping when he could, which often meant knowing when to turn a blind eye. Anders clinic was at the ass end of Darktown and always filled with the weary and worn down. Tonight however the clinic was empty and it seemed only Anders sat behind the counter.

 

“How ya doin Blondie?”

 

Anders looked up with dreary eyes and a smirk “Varric” he stood and stretched. He was wearing simple robes, minus his signature effects, it made sense of course, seeing as it was close to three in the morning “Anything I can mend for you?”

 

“Just a broken heart” there was a hollowness in his voice even he recognized.

 

Anders furrowed his brow “Varric?”

 

“It's Hawke-” he saw Anders tense up “-I mean you live with her now, haven't you noticed that's she's been-”

 

“Inebriated out of her mind for a month?” Yes. I'm just glad you didn't come here to tell me she managed to get herself incarcerated or _worse_.” Anders sighed and walked passed Varric to the entrance of the clinic and started closing up for the night. Of course he noticed, every morning when he awoke to find the bed empty and every evening as he listened to her vomit and cry, how could he not? He knew for certain she'd spent the last week at the Hanged Man, he'd been at the clinic when she left and when he returned home that night Bodahn informed him that she said not to wait up. He didn't expect her to stay the week, but what could he do?

 

“So you're just waiting for her to die?”

 

Anders closed the doors and leaned with both hands against them, his head hanging between his shoulders “She must be allowed to grieve.”

 

“This isn't grieving Blondie this is a slow suicide!”

 

“Well you're her best friend! What have you done? You live at the bloody Hanged Man and I can only imagine she's been staying with you-” He turned to Varric “-so please don't come in here and call the kettle black. I know I'm the personification of hypocrisy but don't pretend that you are without sin.”

 

Varric sighed and rubbed his forehead “Look I didn't mean- I'm just worried, I tried to get her to stop today she told me to get fucked after threatening poor Corff for the third day in a row. When I get back I'll probably find her slumped in a chair with a bottle stuffed between her breasts and vomit on her chin, I can't watch her do this to herself anymore, it's fucking killing me.”

 

“I'm not feeling any better about it you know” Anders pushed his face in to his hands “she hasn't spoken more than a few words to me in weeks, I don't know what to do.” His mind was in so many places, focused on so many things he knew that part of him couldn't even be bothered to help the woman he loved; it disgusted him.

 

“Look, just come down to the bar, we need to at least get her home, even if it means dropping her in to a cart and wheeling her there. I don't even know the last time she bathed.”

 

“Oh maker.”Anders locked up the clinic and headed back to the Hanged Man with Varric, he was so afraid of what he'd see when they got there he found himself wringing his hands till they were red. When they managed to get there however the noise coming from inside the bar knocked him straight. Varric threw open the door to see Hawke on top of a man twice her size who was screaming for help, but nobody was coming near. “Gillian!” he exclaimed and ran toward her “Gillian stop!” Hawke's head shot up to see Anders coming toward her looking horrified; she jumped off the guy who seemed stunned and stumbled back in to a wall before vomiting. The bar was silent for the first time in it's history, Anders quickly kneeled next to the man she'd been attacking and removed the spell she'd cast on him, an immobilizing incantation that he'd never seen her use. “Are you all right?”

 

“Maker no I feel like my whole bodies on fucking fire!” The man choked out. Anders had seen the man in his clinic before, but more for afflictions regarding his genitals than punches in the face, he was a good man. “I didn't do nothin' I swear I didn't!”

 

“I know, serrah” Anders looked up at Hawke who was staring down at them “I know.” He removed a poultice from his pack and lowered his voice “I can't help you tonight, too many eyes, but take this and rub it on your wounds, then see me first thing in the morning.” He stood up to gave the man a hand, helping him to his feet “I will make sure Serrah Hawke is reported to the proper authorities.”

 

“Ain't gonna do much good, she's got the captain in her ruddy pocket” the man limped off toward the door.

 

Internally Anders could feel Justice screaming, she'd attacked an innocent man, justice must be served. He pushed as hard as he could against this, persuing compassionate thoughts. He bit his lip and closed his eyes “Gillian-”

 

“Anders I can't- I can't” she vomited again “oh maker, maker just kill me.”

 

He stepped forward and took her arm over his shoulder, she was shaking violently and he wondered when her last meal was. He could feel her struggling against him, but any fight she had left was replaced with sobs. He'd never seen her like this, none of them had, she was always so confident, always ready with a quick quip or a sarcastic comment. To see her sobbing, devoid of everything that made her who she was, was distressing to say the least.

 

Varric stood holding the door and said nothing as they left. He didn't have to, Anders all ready knew what he'd say: _Take care of her Blondie and if you need any help you know where I am._ Luckily the estate wasn't too far, it took some time to get there however- between her slow staggering and having to stop and vomit every fifteen feet- but they got there. Anders casually knocked on the door, knowing Bodahn was a light sleeper; within a few seconds the dwarf appeared at the front door, looking exhausted in his bed clothes but relieved to see them “Oh!”

 

“It's all right Bodahn” Anders assured “if you'll do me a favor make sure the bed is free of anything restrictive and we've got cool rags, it's going to be a long night.”

 

“Absolutely right away” Bodahn raced upstairs to push the larger blankets to the bottom of the bed and went to the kitchen to grab some rags and a large bowl “for the vomiting serrah.”

 

“Thank you” Anders set Hawke down on the bed and placed the bowl next to her. In the time since Leandra died he'd not once had to do this for her, she'd always managed; but this week had not been kind to her. He of course blamed himself, if he'd been more diligent in making sure she'd come home-

 

“Anders” Hawke swayed on the bed like a ship on turbulent seas “you should've turned me over to the guard, let Aveline put me out of my misery.” He could barely make out what she was saying through her slurs.

 

“Oh love” he knelt down in front of her, removing her shoes “you don't mean that.”

 

She opened her eyes “Yes I do.”

 

“Lets get you out of these clothes, they very much need to be washed. You smell a little bit like Varric and a lot like the floor.” He shook his head and stood up again, thanking the maker that she'd decided to go on a bender wearing her house clothes and not her full armor. He reached down and lifted her shirt over her head and threw it to the corner and then pulled her trousers down laying her backwards as he did so. “Make sure your head is turned, I don't need you drowning in your own vomit tonight.” Her underclothes were stained as well and he knew they'd need to be washed, the less clothes she wore the better; nothing to put pressure on her body. He lifted her up and turned her so that he could cover her in sheets, making sure she kept her head turned and laid the bowl next to the bed. “I'll be right back.” He grabbed a few rags and laid them next to her so that if she did vomit in her sleep they wouldn't need to change the sheets.

 

“I'm so sorry,” she sobbed.

 

“There's nothing to be sorry about, now be still” Anders grabbed one of the house chairs and sat it down next to the bed. In a few minutes Bodahn appeared with the cool towels and a bowl of fruit.

 

“For you serrah, you spend all that time at that clinic I figured you probably haven't eaten either” Bodahn turned to look at Hawke who was between sobs and sighed. He'd grown to really like Hawke, even more so than the hero of Ferelden, Hawke was both sweet and sour and understood the timing of a good joke. The warden she, didn't have quite the same sense of humor.

 

“She'll be fine” Anders lowered his voice “and thank you.”

 

Bodahn bowed a little before heading back downstairs to comfort a confused Sandal “He said Messere Hawke will be fine my boy, let's get back to bed now.”

 

“Fine?” Sandal whispered.

 

“Yes she'll be fine, come on.”

 

Anders leaned back in the chair and popped a couple berries in to his mouth. They were fresh and juicy, but the events of the evening soured his appetite and he found that after a few he couldn't eat any more. Immediately after Leandra's death, he'd been there for Hawke but it hadn't been enough; she didn't need words of encouragement and he knew that he talked too much. He reached up and pulled the tie out of his hair and shook his head softly releasing strands down the side of his face, he'd had had it in for much too long and now the back of his head hurt. Anders had been around Hawke long enough to understand that words meant nothing to her, you could recite a poem using the foremost language and it would fall on uncaring ears. You could scream and yell and speak venom and she'd laugh and tell you to listen to yourself, Hawke didn't care for words yet, out of everyone he knew, she was the only one who understood them. Grimacing he reached up and rubbed the back of his head.

 

“I like you hair.”

 

Anders turned to Hawke who was looking up at him “What was that?”

 

“Your hair” she stumbled through “I like it, it's like soft straw.”

 

“Thank you” he smiled, but before he could ask what had brought it on Hawke passed out. He kept watch through out the night, keeping cool rags on her forehead as she began to sweat. Sometime before the sun rose Anders had fallen asleep and was only awoken to the sound of glass breaking, he immediately turned to the bed to find Hawke had gotten up sometime while he was sleeping. Standing up with a groan he headed in the direction of the bathroom “Gillian?”

 

“I-I'm sorry for waking you” an exhausted voice came out, sounding gruff and strained “I'd wanted a bath-” Anders got to the bathroom to find that she'd managed to drop a glass bottle of soap on the floor.

 

“Stand still, I'll grab a broom” he raced downstairs to find Bodahn in the kitchen “Bodahn, the broom?”

 

“It's next to the icebox is messere Hawke-”

 

“She's fine, just a little mishap with a bottle of soap” he headed back up stairs with the broom and started sweeping up the glass from the floor. Hawke was holding on to the bathtub for support as he did so “I know it's a cruel question to ask, but how are you feeling?”

 

“Like the maker stomped me to ground and I asked to go again” she rubbed her forehead and sighed “you don't have any hangover cures in that magic pouch of yours do you?”

 

“I've got something for nausea-”

 

“Could of used that last night-”

 

“You would have thrown it up,” Anders smiled and pushed the pile of glass in to the waste bin “sit down and I'll take care of the bath.”

 

“You've all ready done enough” she swayed a bit and closed her eyes, “I can take care of it,” Hawke felt Anders hand on her waist and sighed “fine.”

 

“Thank you” he lead her over to a small bench and helped her sit down “I'm surprised you're up honestly, I figured you'd be in bed for a few days.” He turned the faucet on and thanked the maker for modern plumbing, it wasn't perfect and only available to those like Hawke who could afford it, but it made this type of thing easier.

 

“I woke up and had to vomit again, but I didn't have anything left so I just just sat as my stomach tried to shed itself from my body” she rubbed her eyes “and then I became conscious of my smell and that made me want to vomit more.” Hawke was fully aware of what she looked like at the moment, naked and covered in filth, and felt more embarrassed for herself than she had the full week she'd been drunk. She crossed her legs and hugged her knee “I hope that man is all right.”

 

“He'll be fine” Anders checked the water and cooled it off a bit. Reaching in to the cabinet he found some oils and poured them in the water as it rose. “I'd ask what had happened-”

 

“He tried picking me up” Hawke groaned “I don't remember what he said, it was a single sentence I'm sure, maker I didn't even warn him” she remembered the spell she'd used to immobilize him however, it was nasty magic, and she was mortified that she'd used it so easily.

 

“He's known for that I'm afraid, poor man's got a problem” but getting anyone to admit sex addiction was something legitimate was not on Anders to do list.

 

“It doesn't matter I tried to kill him” she closed her eyes and groaned “I was going to kill him, if you hadn't come in-”

 

“Thank Varric” he stood up from the tub and went over to her and took her hand, helping her stand “he came down to the clinic and yelled at me until I came with him.” Anders felt guilty that it took Varric having to walk all the way in the middle of the night to get him to retrieve her. He should have been there, not locked away and busying himself with- it didn't matter now.

 

“Of course he did” she edged her way to the tub and shakily lifted one leg at a time to step in to the water. Anders held her shoulders up as she slid in to the warmth “Oh _maker_ ” she moaned as the water splashed over her body. She could feel every nick and cut she'd acquired, although she was unable to ascertain where she obtained them. Her stomach had yet to settle, but it seemed the worst was over. She hadn't spoken to Anders at this length in quite some time and she remembered suddenly why she'd fallen in love with him “You're a mother hen.”

 

He laughed and went out to his pack to grabbed a small bottle and came back to the bathroom “I made something for you a couple weeks ago, but I haven't had the chance to give it to you.”

 

“Is it magical?” Hawke bubbled at the water.

 

He pulled the bench to the back of the tub and opened the bottle, the room filled with the smell of wildflowers and honey “You were asking if there was anything better to wash you hair with” he tipped the bottle on to her head and cupped some water over it “I couldn't find anything, so I made it.” He slowly sank his fingers in to her hair and began to work up a lather, gently massaging her head as he did so.

 

“Andraste's flaming knickers” she murmured “it smells like spring time, you did this for me?” There was silence in the bathroom as he lathered up her hair, he was meticulous and calm as he tilted her head back gently to wash some of it out before starting again. “Anders I'm sorry.”

 

“For what?”

 

“For what? For, for leaving you alone and drinking my self respect away. I really stuck my foot in it this time” she reached over and grabbed a large sponge and started scraping at her skin. She hadn't really noticed just how much grime she'd acquired in a month and although it wasn't common place for people to bathe too much, she found that once she started she didn't want to stop.

 

“At least you aren't terribly hung over” Anders chuckled and rubbed her neck “the last time I drank that much I cursed the maker every time the sun came out for at least a week.”

 

“Anders I'm serious-”

 

“I know you are and you have to understand that I get it. Aveline told me when you all first got here, you spent a week getting drunk on the cheapest wine you could find. She claimed you kept exclaiming that it was all all for Bethany and then followed it up with, yet she'd be pissed to see me drinking instead of working.” Hawke didn't respond and he knew that bringing it all up was only going to hurt, but it hadn't been him who'd made the first remark, she finally wanted to talk.

 

“Carver didn't speak to me for close to a month after that” she finally replied, dunking the sponge in the water “he kept telling mother that I was more than an embarrassment and that she really needed to evaluate who her favorites were. Mother always laughed at him and told him she had no favorites and to stop being such a baby” Hawke chuckled and lifted her leg out of the water enough to start scrubbing. “Mother did play favorites however and I was it, I was the first born and I took care of us the best I could. She told me once she could never repay me for the good that I'd done for them, but she didn't have to, it was my duty.” Anders rubbed her shoulders and neck, large circles with his thumb around her collar bone and up her neck, Hawke moaned “You keep doing that and I may just have to repay _you for all the good you done me._ ”

 

“It's my duty” Anders smiled and took a bit of water to remove the excess tonic. Hawke was speechless, all she managed was a little oh and they finished the bath in silence. Before she got out she dunked herself under the water and when she emerged Anders was standing above her, bathrobe on his shoulder offering her his hand. “Be careful now, all those oils make it slippery.” Hawke stood up slowly taking his hand and edged herself out of the tub and in to the bathrobe.

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Hey that's what I'm here for” he reached down and tied her coat closed and started to turn when her hands slid around his waist “Gillian-”

 

“Just,” she leaned her head in to his chest “let me have this.” Anders smiled and wrapped his arms around her shoulders and held her. “I'm going to be all right” she whispered “there are too many things to do for me not to be all right and I need you to be all right with me.” Anders pulled in his lips, nothing since the day he'd taken Justice in had been all right, but this could be even if it wasn't forever.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> There is a follow up to this where later on when Hawke is feeling better, she and Anders get really freaky that involves some off kilter kink. I'll be posting it separately from this as it is very much rated M for mature.


End file.
